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My Search For Truth
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Contents - Earliest Impressions - Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde and a Certain Mr. Pliable - Broken Cisterns - New Ideas - I Retire From Business - On Feeling - On Trying to Live a Life of Faith - I Continue My Story - The Overcoming of Grief and Sorrow - Some Thoughts on the Life to Come - War Again - Imagination - On Trying to Enter the Silence - The Law of Plenty - Ceaseless, Interior Prayer - How I Found God's Inward Peace - On Prayer, Meditation and Contemplation - Caught Up In the Spirit - I Find That God is at Work in My Life - Love the Key - Interior Respiration - Practicing the Presence - Standing Forever in the Divine Light and Radiance and Glory - Epilogue -
I firmly believe that there is a law of plenty. As we gaze at the prodigality of Nature we cannot fail to be impressed by this fact. Nature is indeed most bountiful.
Wherever we go we see how great that fullness is - except of course where man has exploited the earth and turned it into a waste and a desert. But that is not the earth's fault, or Nature's, but it is the result of man's selfish exploitation.
'Deserts are on the march.' Why? Simply because of selfish, ignorant, and wicked exploitation on the part of man. The very forces which are causing the deserts to invade the cultivatable land are the same forces which, if they had not been thrown out of balance, would have maintained the earth in fullness and abundance.
The law of life is balance. If we put back into the soil as much as we take out Nature will nourish us abundantly; but if we try to cheat her, by taking out more than we put in, then we upset the balance of life. As a result, the forces and powers of Nature become inverted and work against us instead of for us, as they were designed to do. From this we see that the laws of life are designed to give us unlimited plenty, far beyond our needs, and that if they were obeyed, there would be more than enough for all. Where wise and just methods obtain, there is no lack, for the earth then becomes a transformer of solar energy so that the solar energy is changed by the earth into growth. This we take and use and then if, afterwards, we put the whole of the residue back into the soil, the cycle is completed. The earth is neither robbed nor exploited, but continues to be as fruitful as ever. We thus see that the Divine idea is one of plenty through the amazing prodigality of Nature. 'The earth is the LORD'S and the fullness thereof.'
When I was young I was enterprising, but always ground down by poverty and lack. By great struggle I managed to start my own business, but my customers all appeared to be poverty-minded. Their main idea seemed to be to beat me down as low as possible, so that they could benefit at my expense. I did not know then that I attracted this 'thrifty' type of client because of my own poverty-complex. I had been born into a remarkably thrifty home where we never knew the comparative plenty such as was enjoyed in 'artizans' homes and whose standard of life was almost extravagant compared with ours. This ultra-frugality and system of the most rigid economy in which I was brought up made such an impression upon my young mind, that I do not think I have ever completely recovered from it. Its good effect has been that I have never wasted anything; its bad effect has been that I have had great difficulty in spending money for myself on even the necessary things of life.
As I say, I attracted the acquisitive-thrifty type of client, whilst I on my part was prepared to give the best service possible - and I did give it without stint. But still there was always a miserable response. Of course, the cause of my difficulty was that I possessed a penny mind; I was concerned with the cutting down of expenses, with saving a penny here, and twopence there, and so on. I did not know at the time that such thinking was conditioning my circumstances.
However, although I had a penny mind, I was, strangely enough, daring and enterprising. Consequently I looked out for suitable premises in the best and most expensive part of the town. It was while inspecting certain business premises which later I was able to rent on a favourable lease, that I had a curious experience. I, the poor struggling young man with a poverty complex, suddenly had a strange feeling that the air all round me was filled with golden sovereigns! The air seemed to be crammed with them, just like snowflakes in a snowstorm. I suddenly realized that there was unlimited substance or wealth which could be mined by anyone who had sufficient energy, faith and enterprise. I realized also that life was not the poverty-stricken thing that I had imagined it to be.
This was far from being a full understanding of the truth about the law of plenty, but it was an important step in the right direction. After that experience I found that most people were not as cheese-paring and 'close-fisted' as I had thought them to be and I also had more clients than ever before. My previous attitude of mind had not only invested my clients with my own meanness and ultra-frugality, but also had kept many more generous people away.
But it was many years before I began to realize that there is an inner realm of sufficiency which desires to supply all our needs. Jesus said that we were not to be anxious about our food and drink, our clothing and other necessaries of life, but that we should seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness. Then, if we did so, all the necessary things of life would be added, without anxiety.
Such an injunction seems to be pure foolishness to most people - but then, so do all the other
injunctions given to us by Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount. The wisdom of God appears to
be foolishness to the carnal or material mind.
The sayings of Jesus, alas, receive scant attention today, but we ignore His teachings at our
peril.
Experience has taught me that there is an inward source of supply, and that this is the
Presence of God. In the ordinary way we ignore this inward source, therefore it cannot
operate in our life and affairs; consequently we have to live in the same way as people of
the world - fighting, struggling, grasping - or else be like dumb, driven cattle.
Then when we reach a certain age, we are discarded.
'The trouble with most people', once said an American humorist, 'is that they have no invisible means of support'.
When outward means fail, such people are helpless, for they do not know how to tap their inner resources. In the day of adversity their fortunes crumble away because they have no roots in God, the inexhaustible Substance, in which everything has its origin and source.
The worst of it is that the more fiercely adversity hits us, and the more we are pushed about by life, the more difficult it becomes to find time for meditation and private, personal prayer. Those who have been through such an experience will know what I mean. At such times one seems to be caught up in a huge net, and the more one struggles, the more enmeshed one becomes. Also one seems to be in a vicious circle, so that all that one does only makes things worse. Everything is wrongly timed and comes to pass at the exact moment when we are caught on the wrong foot.
The only remedy, so I have found when passing through a difficult time, is to find God's inward peace and enter into a state of inner harmony, oneness and unity, at the same time being as patient as we can in our trying circumstances, doing our work as well as we know how, looking to God to bring about a Divine adjustment in His own way and at His own time.
That, in a nutshell, is the method which I have been led to employ, and which God has graciously blessed on many occasions. I have known some people, however, who tried to restore their shattered fortunes by 'get-rich-quick' methods, which promised a rapid and large return for little work and small capital outlay. Because such schemes were not based on service but were launched to benefit themselves and not the public, such activities failed. I cannot remember a single one which turned out a success.
The only remedy is through work, patience and acceptance in the outer life, and a unity and oneness with our Divine Source in the inner life. Work on the outer plane by itself is not enough; it leads to exhaustion, and perhaps a breakdown. Work, too, on the inner plane alone is not sufficient. Both are necessary, so also is patience.
When the inner rhythm of our life is broken, or has been upset, it takes time for it to be restored. Consequently we have to be patient.
'In quietness and in confidence shall be your strength.'
'Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him.'
'Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in Him; and He shall bring (it) to pass.'
In every life there come times of drought and adversity. There is a process of going forward and returning; there is an ebb and a flow of the tide of life. We have to be patient while the tide is running out, and must be content to wait until the tide turns in our favour. Then when we move forward we are carried along on the crest of the wave to victory and achievement.
I have on occasion made losses, and have wasted a lot of work and energy, strength and health in a vain effort to force things, when times have been unpropitious. Being of an impetuous nature, I have rushed on when I ought to have waited. Not being content to await God's time, I have tried to make everything conform to my time. The results have always been disastrous.
We have to keep to God's time and keep in step with God, if we are to express in our outward life even a shadow or outline of the inner perfection which is God's idea or pattern of what our life should be.
What puzzles beginners and those who are not accustomed to philosophic thought, is that everything is and yet is not, at one and the same time. For instance, the mystic and the metaphysician may say, 'There is no evil', yet at the same time they readily admit that evil is all around them. The explanation is that they are affirming what is true of the inner reality and the mind of God. There is no evil in the mind of God, nor in His archetypal ideas. These are permanent and eternal, and form part of Reality. They are absolute perfection.
But these perfect ideas, when expressed in the outer life, lose their perfection. That which is a perfect whole in essence, becomes thrown out of balance, so that what is good when it forms part of a perfect whole, with everything in its right place, at the right time, becomes disorderly and what we call evil. Consequently the mystic, having contemplated the Reality in all its beauty, wholeness and completeness, and also the metaphysician, who has argued and reasoned himself into a realization of absolute truth, can both declare that there is no evil, and yet be surrounded by very obvious evil.
There are two sides to everything. It has been said that there are two sides to the shield of Truth: the outer is what man in his ignorance sees; the inner is what God sees.
God Who is perfection absolute can create and see only perfection. We see this truth even in our human relationships. 'To the pure all things are pure.' God, who is infinite and absolute Goodness, Perfection, Life, Health, Wholeness, Completeness, can see only these and other virtues in His creations, for He can see only Himself reflected in what He creates. Therefore, on the inside, there is only perfection. It is only on the outside where an inversion has taken place, that imperfection is to be seen.
Because God, as the Absolute, can see no evil but only the perfection which is His own reflection, some anxious souls think that they and also their troubles and sufferings are unknown to God, and so have been discouraged. But God has other aspects. Where God in His absoluteness cannot enter, God as LOVE can come even into our most secret griefs, losses and sorrows. LOVE manifests as Jesus, 'a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief'. There is no trouble or failure of ours into which LOVE cannot come. God, in His absolute aspect, cannot see poverty. It does not exist in His mind.
'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.' But the invitation is for man the unrighteous to forsake his thoughts and his unGodlike ways, and to return to the LORD. The law of being is plenty, not poverty. God, who is infinite and inexhaustible substance, creates in profusion, regardless of cost, so to speak.
There is a spiritual basis from which plenty flows. In the inner World of Perfection thought becomes clothed with substance, instantly; in the outer life on this material plane it takes longer, but the process is much the same. Matter is simply electricity, and thought also is electric force. This may explain why a man with a poverty type of mind, finds himself in poverty-stricken surroundings, or at any rate, never attains to a state of freedom; while another one whose mind is quite different, may start with nothing and yet in a comparatively short time becomes surrounded with everything that he needs.
Ordinary thinking will not achieve such a metamorphosis.
'For my thoughts are not your thoughts ...saith the LORD.' Human thought of lack and limitation must give place to Truth, or God thought, of infinite and inexhaustible abundance.
It makes a tremendous difference to our lives if we can make such a change, even though it be only partial in extent.
The great secret is in recognizing that all good things come from God, and not from man, or as a result of our own effort and toil and strain.
'The earth is the LORD'S and the fullness thereof.' We who are the sons of God may draw freely from the invisible and inexhaustible resources of God. We possess invisible means of support. We do not need great possessions, for all our needs are supplied, 'out of His riches in glory'. Because God's resources are infinite, our resources also are infinite. We must not judge by appearances.
If Jesus had judged by appearances when the people were hungry, they would never have been fed. Jesus refused to be restricted by the apparent limitations of five barley loaves and two small fishes, but drew upon the inexhaustible resources of Infinite Substance.
In the same way, if we allow ourselves to be overawed by appearances of lack, forgetting that we are sons of God and 'joint heirs with Christ' of all the resources of God, then we make it very difficult for ourselves to manifest the same abundance which Jesus did. I admit that it is far from easy to trust in God's invisible resources when we are confronted by arrears of rent, large bills to be paid, an overdrawn account at the bank, and a mortgaged life-policy - to say nothing of a completely empty purse. Many readers would say that to ask anyone in such circumstances to trust in God would be demanding too much of any man. Well, I would never ask anyone to do what I would not do myself, or what I have not done myself. I have had to face such experiences myself, and of course I did not find them easy, but each time I was brought through. Each time that I considered my financial position I felt a thrill of fear go through me.
But, somehow or other, I managed to maintain my faith. Of course, it would have been far less difficult for me if I could have lived in the consciousness of Divine supply, but I had not then reached that stage.
Jesus said, 'But seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things
shall be added unto you'.
What did He mean by this? I suppose that I have heard thousands of sermons but I have
never listened to one which explained what Jesus actually meant by this statement.
What did Jesus mean by the Kingdom of God? He meant conscious union with God. What did Jesus mean by 'His "righteousness.? He meant God s Divine order. Therefore logically paraphrase the words of Jesus into: 'But seek first a state of union with God 's consciousness of abundant perfection and completeness, for if you do this inwardly, then outwardly you will have all your material needs supplied.'
Having been brought up and trained in a consciousness of lack and limitation, I naturally found it very difficult to change over to a consciousness of abundance and plenty.
I had been brought up in the idea. that we live in an unfriendly universe, and that everything is against us. Also that we have to chase after things, and hold tight on to them otherwise they would slip from our grasp. And all the time that I remained in that consciousness things eluded me.
When I thought that I had them within my grasp they slipped away from me.
I had also been nurtured in the idea that we are separate from God. Consequently my life suffered in much the same way as that of the prodigal son. He left his father's home (state of union) and went into a far country (state of apparent separateness), the consequence being that he hungered, and fed on pigs' swill. 'And no man gave to him.' Then, when he returned home (to a state of unity with his Divine Source), he experienced plenty and abundance.
'Life, of course, is not for feasting and gluttony; life also is not meant to be austere and severely ascetic. The middle path, so I have found, is always the path of wisdom. Moderation and simplicity should be practiced, instead of going to extremes. It was never meant, however, that man should live a life of indigence. Jesus promised that all the things necessary for a full and care-free life would be added. He did not say that only part of them would come to the one who sought first the consciousness of oneness with the Creative Spirit, but that all necessary things should be added.
I have always found that the simplest methods were the most effective in my case. I discovered that words have power to cleanse the consciousness of wrong ideas, and to instill right ideas in their place. Appearances and my feelings told me that I was not paying my way, and that I was not well. .Troubles never come singly', so that when I was not feeling well, bad news would arrive and worries would pile up! When I was in one of these black moods, I thought that it was due to my circumstances, instead of which my worrying and depressing circumstances were the result of my depressed moods.
I discovered a very simple way of dispersing dark moods. I would take a deep breath and say: 'Health, success, happiness and joy.' I needed health very much, I also needed success in my affairs, and also I longed to be happy and filled with joy. When I uttered the words I became lifted up - if only slightly; yet it was a move in the direction of liberation. I found that long arguments did me no good, but repeating these words did lift me up. Needless to say I soon slipped back again into the black, hopeless mood; but again and again I would repeat the performance.
I did not say, 'I am health', or 'I am success', but simply, 'health', success'. If I had said that I was health when I was unwell, I should have been stating what was not true; if I had claimed to be successful, when obviously I was a failure at the time, I should have been going against the facts - therefore the statements would have been rejected by the inner mind, and the very opposite of what I claimed would have been manifested. But stating the words in the way I did could produce only good results. It kept the ego out of the picture: that is, the false ego of illusion and separateness.
It may be thought by some that the words which I used were mere abstractions, and therefore could not be helpful. On the contrary, I found their use very helpful. I found that such words have power. They represent, or stand for, real potencies and powers in the Invisible. Consequently if we can but anchor our mind to these substantial realities, powers and principles, then states corresponding to their nature and quality will manifest in our visible life.
Some who have attained to God-consciousness have done so through repeating the word 'God'. In the East they intone the sacred word Om, or Aum. From this it can be seen that if we make use of certain constructive words - words which stand for eternal principles and archetypal ideas - then our mind becomes anchored in 'That which changes not', and which never decays or becomes old, and which is the eternal pattern or archetype.
On looking back, over my life I can see how wisely I have been led by the Spirit. Quite ignorant, and having no one to teach me and no good books to guide me, I was yet led to make the right use of words, and to avoid the evils of affirmation of the 'I am' type.
What has all this to do with the law of abundance? Everything. As already pointed out, my dark moods were probably not the result of distressing circumstances, but rather the other way about. Assuming this to be true (which I believe to be the case), the use of words in the way I was led to practice was both sound and scientific. If my moods were the cause of the dark experiences, then the practical and scientific thing to do was to cure the mood, after which the circumstances would heal themselves.
It may be thought strange that I said nothing about supply or plenty. I was no doubt led to omit all such references, but it seems to me now that it was not necessary to include any reference to supply, for if we can attain to a mental state of health and happiness, and a joyful sense of being on top of things, then all necessary supply and all manner of Divine good will naturally follow.
It is our moods which have to be overcome, and not our circumstances. If we get our moods
right, then circumstances will right themselves.
This is why Jesus said that we should seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness,
after which all necessary things would be added.
The effect of acting in the way I did was that in course of time I found myself lifted up on to a higher plane, in a state of oneness with the Perfect, and this enabled me to overcome my difficulties. 'When that which is Perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.' That is to say, when we find ourselves one with, and forming part of, the Real and Perfect, then all our troubles and difficulties become overcome and conquered. They disappear, because they are not anything in themselves, but are simply the result of our lack of, and separation from, the Real and Perfect.
Another baneful emotion which I had to overcome was envy. I had been taught when young that envy was a sin, and that we should not indulge in it; but I never knew that it was a cause of poverty and lack. I had to learn this by experience. When I went to the bank to pay in all I could scrape together, the somewhat meagre results of a tremendous amount of work and industry, and also to draw out as little as possible, it made me rather envious to see other people paying in much more than I, and drawing out far more than ever I would dream of doing.
It not only made me envious, but also mildly resentful. Here was I, working almost till my eyes dropped out, paying in so little and drawing out only a pittance, while other people seemed to be having a much better time, and able to draw out of the bank in one day more than I could pay in a whole month! So I thought how much better it would be if I could do the same or something very similar.
But entertaining envious thoughts is one of the worst possible things for us to do, for it puts us in a negative position. By doing so we acknowledge that our position in life is inferior, thus putting ourselves in a position similar to that of one who asks for alms. So long as we retain this attitude of mind, the things we need and want will tend to flow from us instead of to us. The remedy for this state of affairs is to bless those whose apparently more fortunate state might otherwise incite us to envy.
The cause of our straitened circumstances is our own state of mind. Instead of knowing that all things are ours, and that all the resources of the Infinite are behind us, seeking to find expression through us, the dominant thought in our mind is that nothing is ours and that if we do not chase after things we shall lose them. But if we bless those whose prosperity annoys us or excites our envy, and pray that they may become even more prosperous and blessed in every possible way, then through so doing we heal our own state of mind.
When we pray in this way and pour out our blessing upon those who apparently are so much better off than ourselves, we enter the consciousness of one who, possessing all things, pours out of his abundance plenteous gifts upon others. In other words, by blessing others, we ourselves are blessed and all sense of inferiority and lack is overcome.
Many a tussle have I had with myself over this. My early training, although so good in most ways, was against me in this respect. My father was for ever condemning those who got on in life: he said that such people were hard, ruthless and selfish. But child as I was, I could see that he was envious of the very people he condemned, and also that he was covetous of their prosperity. Now there is nothing more destructive and more calculated to drive supply away from us, than this - to condemn and judge harshly those who are better off at the time than we are, at the same time being envious of their prosperity and covetous of their wealth.
It is quite clear to me now that if the temptation to envy had been given way to at that time, I should never have overcome my poverty complex and consequently would never have entered into a state of liberty as regards supply.
I have had many talks with men who have come down in life: men who started life with everything in their favour, yet who have let everything slip through their fingers until at last they have had to live on the charity of their children. In every case I have found that they condemned those who had passed them in the race of life, and yet envied them their success and coveted their wealth. They complained that they never had a chance, and that no one ever helped them.
Having been brought up in an atmosphere of condemnation and envy, it is not surprising that I experienced difficulty in breaking away from it. But I do not think that I did any condemning although I must confess that I thought that those who appeared to be more fortunate than I were to be envied, and that I would like to be as fortunate as they. This of course was sheer wishful thinking and most weakening.
As I have already stated, I found that the remedy was to pray for those who were better off than myself so that instead of envying them I desired most strongly that they should be blessed and prospered more than ever. Although I prayed in order that they might be blessed, and not myself, the result was that I was wonderfully blessed in that I found myself delivered entirely from an envious spirit, and instead of being an indulger in wishful thinking, I was a dispenser of blessing.
Prayer of this character brings us right into our God Centre, so that it is as though God were speaking benedictions and pouring out blessings upon those for whom we pray.
The great secret: of liberty therefore is the practice of the Presence of God. We can practice the Presence as a help in our work and in our spiritual unfoldment; we can also do so as an aid to healing, realizing that we live and move and have our being in the Infinite Life, and that we draw our strength from the One Life which never grows old.
We can also practice the Presence of God as the Source of all supply: we can realize that here, with us, is all that we need in its invisible form, in the Invisible which surrounds us. As we bless others and pray that their lives may be filled with Divine abundance, it becomes possible for blessing to come into our own lives. We do not beg and pray for it - we express it: it flows through us.
Of course, I have nothing to say to encourage those who expect things to fall into their lap. I believe in work and plenty of it, and in trying to serve so well that life owes us something. But work alone is not sufficient: the imagination must be reorientated.
Neither would I hold out any hopes for those who have made a definite mental demand, expecting it to be demonstrated in a certain form. My experience has been that it is the unexpected which usually happens, and that what we invoke from the Invisible very often comes to us in quite a different form from that which we may have outlined. But always God does exceeding abundantly, above all that we ask or think.
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